Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
Fuck i fucked up. Fuck I'm screwed. Fuck fuck I cant stay still, i can't breathe i can't fucking do anything i can't
Fuck
there's so much blo
no fuck i cant
im not a
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
im covered in.... in it
its everywhere
im getting it all over my ph one
i cant
i need to run
but where can i go
fuck
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Hide and Seek
Guys I feel like I'm going crazy. Ever since the accident, I can't stop twitching. Looking over my shoulder, flinching at anything I hear.
When I'm not being driven to work or play practice, or at either of those things, I'm curled up in my room, with my laptop. Reading and reading and reading. I've read Proxiehunter's blog now. Maybe twice. I've read a few more, that Stewart guy, and Martin or whoever the hell he is now, and Pink.....
But there are... names now.... So many names. But names have power. You don't. I don't. You don't name these things. That's always the first mistake... that's what happens with Slendy... That's what's happening with Her, Him and It. I can't....
I can't name them.
I hear her constantly now. That stupid... stupid giggle as she walks around my house- and I know she is. Like I'll go to the bathroom at night, when I know my parents are sleeping, and I'll hear... Hear Her walking around, giggling. Surrounding me. In every room, in every corner but I never see her.
Right now I'm the Hider... and she's the Seeker. And she knows
Exactly
Where
I
Am.
She's a sadist. She's going to kill me. Jac keeps smiling when she sees me at practice. That stupid grin and... And she... she knows why I'm so twitchy.
I didn't... say it. Because I wasn't sure but... I saw Jac at the accident. She was there, on the side of the road. Watching me. No one else saw her, only me. Jac... Jac has to be one of Her Toys. If she isn't a proper Toy... then she's like what Stewart used to be, just a willing Toy who... who put herself there. Was she chased by Her too? Is that why she's here?
I'm scared. I'm scared. ImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscared
Someone
please
help me
When I'm not being driven to work or play practice, or at either of those things, I'm curled up in my room, with my laptop. Reading and reading and reading. I've read Proxiehunter's blog now. Maybe twice. I've read a few more, that Stewart guy, and Martin or whoever the hell he is now, and Pink.....
But there are... names now.... So many names. But names have power. You don't. I don't. You don't name these things. That's always the first mistake... that's what happens with Slendy... That's what's happening with Her, Him and It. I can't....
I can't name them.
I hear her constantly now. That stupid... stupid giggle as she walks around my house- and I know she is. Like I'll go to the bathroom at night, when I know my parents are sleeping, and I'll hear... Hear Her walking around, giggling. Surrounding me. In every room, in every corner but I never see her.
Right now I'm the Hider... and she's the Seeker. And she knows
Exactly
Where
I
Am.
She's a sadist. She's going to kill me. Jac keeps smiling when she sees me at practice. That stupid grin and... And she... she knows why I'm so twitchy.
I didn't... say it. Because I wasn't sure but... I saw Jac at the accident. She was there, on the side of the road. Watching me. No one else saw her, only me. Jac... Jac has to be one of Her Toys. If she isn't a proper Toy... then she's like what Stewart used to be, just a willing Toy who... who put herself there. Was she chased by Her too? Is that why she's here?
I'm scared. I'm scared. ImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscaredImscared
Someone
please
help me
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Crash
Damnit. Fuck it. Fuck me.
I... Fuck. So much shit has been happening...That person, Proxiehunter.... He commented on my last post... so I read some of his blog. It was all so fucking insane.... but I .... I don't know why but I believed him. I remember M, from the Slenderblogs. I remember his rules. And now I have Proxiehunter's rules... I don't... I don't know if I'm a Runner, or a Fighter, but I know I need to prepare. One of the first things he said was to get a multi-tool so... I went out to buy one
And that's when it happened.
Fuck.
The car came out of nowhere. I was just driving, and they just, turned into me. Going 30 something miles per hour, this random person just turned into me. My car's totaled. I couldn't get out of my seat. The door wouldn't open, my seat belt was stuck and my seat was thrown forward so I was pressed against my steering wheel.
I somehow managed to get out, but I wish I had stayed.
The other driver, they started screaming at me. "Why were you speeding!? Why weren't you watching!?" Their movements were.... jerky. Like they were being pulled by strings. I couldn't form any words, I was scared for my life. Hell I... I think I should be dead.
The police came... I called my insurance and parents. I'm home now. Fuck.
I... Fuck. So much shit has been happening...That person, Proxiehunter.... He commented on my last post... so I read some of his blog. It was all so fucking insane.... but I .... I don't know why but I believed him. I remember M, from the Slenderblogs. I remember his rules. And now I have Proxiehunter's rules... I don't... I don't know if I'm a Runner, or a Fighter, but I know I need to prepare. One of the first things he said was to get a multi-tool so... I went out to buy one
And that's when it happened.
Fuck.
The car came out of nowhere. I was just driving, and they just, turned into me. Going 30 something miles per hour, this random person just turned into me. My car's totaled. I couldn't get out of my seat. The door wouldn't open, my seat belt was stuck and my seat was thrown forward so I was pressed against my steering wheel.
I somehow managed to get out, but I wish I had stayed.
The other driver, they started screaming at me. "Why were you speeding!? Why weren't you watching!?" Their movements were.... jerky. Like they were being pulled by strings. I couldn't form any words, I was scared for my life. Hell I... I think I should be dead.
The police came... I called my insurance and parents. I'm home now. Fuck.
Those are my major injuries. I'm lucky. But...
Proxiehunter, I don't think She's going to let me Run or Fight. We're in a game of Hide and Seek. So... my only roles are either Hider or Seeker.
I'm scared.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Jacqueline Fantoche
Jacqueline Fantoche.
Last time, I told you that I'd talk about my summer play, as well as Jacqueline. Or Jac as she likes to be called.
I met Jac at the first rehearsal for my summer play. At this point our director hadn't announced the roles for everyone. But we all knew the play by this point, and had all auditioned. I honestly have no explanation for that, our director has always been very strange, and we all figured this was one of his eccentricities. Most of the cast was people that I knew from the previous years in the company, except for one girl. Jac.
Jac seemed like a normal girl, honestly. The only reason she stuck out was because she was a new face to the crowd. However, once I began to actually look at her, I noticed something odd. She was wearing gloves. In the middle of summer. She must have noticed me staring, because she made eye contact with me and.... smiled. This slow, knowing smile.
I looked away, back to the director. Her smile unnerved me.
When we were broken into pairs, in order to do some warm up exercises, I was put with Jac. Her smile this time seemed less.... probing, as she introduced herself. We couldn't talk too much as we went into our exercises. Singing our scales, the mirror exercise, and a few short ad lib scenes. The rehearsal ended early, but I left unnerved, Jac's smile seemingly constantly following me.
The next rehearsal the roles were announced. The play we're doing is Il Bosco di Burattini. From my understanding, the play is about a group of children who venture into a woodland near an old family home. There they enter a game of chance with a group of other "children" with risks close to Life and Death. In the Third Act, it's fully realized that the other "children" are either changelings, or lost children made into puppets for a dark force in the forest that wants to gain more "toys." Our director named the cast from supporting to primary. Slowly he named more and more people, my name not being called. As he got into the primary roles, he named Jac as the dark force's right hand, known only as Ombra, or Shadow. Then finally, at the very end, he named me. As La Fata del Lago, or The Lake Fairy. Who later is revealed as the Dark Force, La vera oscurità. The True Darkness.
After our rehearsal, I approached the director. I asked him why I was chosen to be the lead villain. I had always been a secondary character, maybe a supporting primary.
He gave me this odd.... blank smile, his eyes staring through me. "Because you know Italian." Before I could question him more, he walked away.
Jac clapped me on the shoulder, congratulating me. She insisted that since I was La Fata and she was Ombra, that she and I needed to become good friends. Jac's smile was huge as she insisted in adding each other on Facebook, and exchanging phone numbers. She stood close to me as she found herself on my Facebook app, smelling of.... freshly cut wood and something... else. That I can't quiet place.
As we left the theater, she laughed to herself. "What is it....?" I asked, wearily.
"Oh no, I was just thinking. We make a pair. Your name, Mariette, it sounds like Marionette, no? And my last name, Fantoche. It's french for Puppet"
As I stared blankly at her, she laughed, walking away from me.
Fantoche. Puppet. Jac.... might be "The Girl."
I need answers. And I will be damned if I don't get them.
Last time, I told you that I'd talk about my summer play, as well as Jacqueline. Or Jac as she likes to be called.
I met Jac at the first rehearsal for my summer play. At this point our director hadn't announced the roles for everyone. But we all knew the play by this point, and had all auditioned. I honestly have no explanation for that, our director has always been very strange, and we all figured this was one of his eccentricities. Most of the cast was people that I knew from the previous years in the company, except for one girl. Jac.
Jac seemed like a normal girl, honestly. The only reason she stuck out was because she was a new face to the crowd. However, once I began to actually look at her, I noticed something odd. She was wearing gloves. In the middle of summer. She must have noticed me staring, because she made eye contact with me and.... smiled. This slow, knowing smile.
I looked away, back to the director. Her smile unnerved me.
When we were broken into pairs, in order to do some warm up exercises, I was put with Jac. Her smile this time seemed less.... probing, as she introduced herself. We couldn't talk too much as we went into our exercises. Singing our scales, the mirror exercise, and a few short ad lib scenes. The rehearsal ended early, but I left unnerved, Jac's smile seemingly constantly following me.
The next rehearsal the roles were announced. The play we're doing is Il Bosco di Burattini. From my understanding, the play is about a group of children who venture into a woodland near an old family home. There they enter a game of chance with a group of other "children" with risks close to Life and Death. In the Third Act, it's fully realized that the other "children" are either changelings, or lost children made into puppets for a dark force in the forest that wants to gain more "toys." Our director named the cast from supporting to primary. Slowly he named more and more people, my name not being called. As he got into the primary roles, he named Jac as the dark force's right hand, known only as Ombra, or Shadow. Then finally, at the very end, he named me. As La Fata del Lago, or The Lake Fairy. Who later is revealed as the Dark Force, La vera oscurità. The True Darkness.
After our rehearsal, I approached the director. I asked him why I was chosen to be the lead villain. I had always been a secondary character, maybe a supporting primary.
He gave me this odd.... blank smile, his eyes staring through me. "Because you know Italian." Before I could question him more, he walked away.
Jac clapped me on the shoulder, congratulating me. She insisted that since I was La Fata and she was Ombra, that she and I needed to become good friends. Jac's smile was huge as she insisted in adding each other on Facebook, and exchanging phone numbers. She stood close to me as she found herself on my Facebook app, smelling of.... freshly cut wood and something... else. That I can't quiet place.
As we left the theater, she laughed to herself. "What is it....?" I asked, wearily.
"Oh no, I was just thinking. We make a pair. Your name, Mariette, it sounds like Marionette, no? And my last name, Fantoche. It's french for Puppet"
As I stared blankly at her, she laughed, walking away from me.
Fantoche. Puppet. Jac.... might be "The Girl."
I need answers. And I will be damned if I don't get them.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Unwanted Answers
So... Been awhile hasn't it? I meant to update the day after my sister translated the note... but some things came up I suppose.
When my sister got home a couple weeks ago, I showed her the note and she said that she'd translate it. She... looked at me a bit weird when she saw it, but she didn't really question it.
A few days passed and I spent most of my time with her, doing sister things. Going to the mall, checking out some off Broadway shows, etc etc. But, after a week passed, I realized she hadn't gotten back to me about the note. And I know latin takes a bit of work, but it shouldn't have taken this long, right?
But before I could call her out on it, my summer play started up and I got distracted. Some... weird things happened at the first couple rehearsals, but I want to focus on the note for right now. So more time passes and my sister keeps on keeping me busy. Keeping me away from my laptop, keeping me away from my phone, keeping me away from that damned note.
Finally, I found a lull in which I could call her out. We were home alone, and one of her plans wasn't supposed to happen for another couple hours. I sat her down and said, "Coreana, what the hell is going on."
She looked at my nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mari. C'mon, if we leave now, we can probably hit that sushi place you like before the show."
"'Ana, I'm serious. You've been making me run around for the last few weeks ever since you came here. What the hell is up with you?"
She paused, tapping her knee nervously, "What's up with me? I'm...." she fidgeted, and glanced at me. Slowly, she began, "Mari, you've always been.... caught up in supernatural stuff. When we were younger, you were obsessed with mythology. We could barely go an hour without you telling us something about Zeus, or Ra, or something like that! Then, when we got a bit older, it was more... those creepy games, like Silent Hill or whatever. Sometimes you'd just sit there, watching Ghost Hunters or whatever those shows were called... And now... now you're acting kinda normal, you know? You go out with friends, you read non-horror books, you act in normal plays! But this...."
I frowned as she paused. Honestly, no one in my family had ever called me out on my love of mythology and the like. But the way she talked about it, she made it sound like I was a fanatic. She let out a long breath as she continued, slowly, "Mari... this note... I know you said you found it. And I know you don't know latin... but..."
"But what, 'Ana?"
"Mari.... this is your handwritting. I know your handwritting. And this it it.... I think... Maybe you should keep off the internet... for the summer maybe? Maybe it'll help you get out of... whatever this is. It's just not healthy, Mari."
I stared at her, shell shocked. "That's.... That's impossible, 'Ana. I didn't write that damn note! Just... Just tell me what it says, ok!?"
She gave me a sad look. The.... same sad look she always gave me when I didn't get something correct right away, but she sighed. "Fine... The latin is really bad, something someone just learning latin would make. The basic idea is, 'Look for the Puppet' or girl actually, the way they use Pupa it means the same thing. But, 'Look for the Puppet/ It has the Answers you seek/ But while you get your answers/ It will have it's games.'"
As I stared at her, repeating her words in my mind, she continued, "Look, Mari... maybe talk to your therapist about this? You had a really active imagination when we younger... maybe it's acting up again now? Mari, please...."
I shook my head and stood up, "I'm.... sorry, 'Ana. I'm not feeling up to the movie today... I... I think I'm going to go lay down for the rest of the day. You have fun, ok?" I quietly walked to my room, and locked the door.
It's been a few days. My sister thinks that it's my imagination acting up... and messing with me. That I've read too much stuff. Especially since I've been talking about tulpas recently in out conversations... But I think it's more. I think there is more to this. And I think I know someone who has the answers.
Next time, I'll tell you about Jacqueline Fantoche.
When my sister got home a couple weeks ago, I showed her the note and she said that she'd translate it. She... looked at me a bit weird when she saw it, but she didn't really question it.
A few days passed and I spent most of my time with her, doing sister things. Going to the mall, checking out some off Broadway shows, etc etc. But, after a week passed, I realized she hadn't gotten back to me about the note. And I know latin takes a bit of work, but it shouldn't have taken this long, right?
But before I could call her out on it, my summer play started up and I got distracted. Some... weird things happened at the first couple rehearsals, but I want to focus on the note for right now. So more time passes and my sister keeps on keeping me busy. Keeping me away from my laptop, keeping me away from my phone, keeping me away from that damned note.
Finally, I found a lull in which I could call her out. We were home alone, and one of her plans wasn't supposed to happen for another couple hours. I sat her down and said, "Coreana, what the hell is going on."
She looked at my nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mari. C'mon, if we leave now, we can probably hit that sushi place you like before the show."
"'Ana, I'm serious. You've been making me run around for the last few weeks ever since you came here. What the hell is up with you?"
She paused, tapping her knee nervously, "What's up with me? I'm...." she fidgeted, and glanced at me. Slowly, she began, "Mari, you've always been.... caught up in supernatural stuff. When we were younger, you were obsessed with mythology. We could barely go an hour without you telling us something about Zeus, or Ra, or something like that! Then, when we got a bit older, it was more... those creepy games, like Silent Hill or whatever. Sometimes you'd just sit there, watching Ghost Hunters or whatever those shows were called... And now... now you're acting kinda normal, you know? You go out with friends, you read non-horror books, you act in normal plays! But this...."
I frowned as she paused. Honestly, no one in my family had ever called me out on my love of mythology and the like. But the way she talked about it, she made it sound like I was a fanatic. She let out a long breath as she continued, slowly, "Mari... this note... I know you said you found it. And I know you don't know latin... but..."
"But what, 'Ana?"
"Mari.... this is your handwritting. I know your handwritting. And this it it.... I think... Maybe you should keep off the internet... for the summer maybe? Maybe it'll help you get out of... whatever this is. It's just not healthy, Mari."
I stared at her, shell shocked. "That's.... That's impossible, 'Ana. I didn't write that damn note! Just... Just tell me what it says, ok!?"
She gave me a sad look. The.... same sad look she always gave me when I didn't get something correct right away, but she sighed. "Fine... The latin is really bad, something someone just learning latin would make. The basic idea is, 'Look for the Puppet' or girl actually, the way they use Pupa it means the same thing. But, 'Look for the Puppet/ It has the Answers you seek/ But while you get your answers/ It will have it's games.'"
As I stared at her, repeating her words in my mind, she continued, "Look, Mari... maybe talk to your therapist about this? You had a really active imagination when we younger... maybe it's acting up again now? Mari, please...."
I shook my head and stood up, "I'm.... sorry, 'Ana. I'm not feeling up to the movie today... I... I think I'm going to go lay down for the rest of the day. You have fun, ok?" I quietly walked to my room, and locked the door.
It's been a few days. My sister thinks that it's my imagination acting up... and messing with me. That I've read too much stuff. Especially since I've been talking about tulpas recently in out conversations... But I think it's more. I think there is more to this. And I think I know someone who has the answers.
Next time, I'll tell you about Jacqueline Fantoche.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Update
The note the last post talked about. My sister is coming down on Sunday, so hopefully she can help me with the other one.
I think I'll keep this one secret from her... I don't need her to worry.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
What the everloving fuck
What the fuck. What the fuck. What the everloving fuck. I planned on making a post tomorrow, something about the note or my sister or something. Fuck. I just. Fuck.
Alright, fuck. Ok. So I went to my notes on my phone, to write something down. And I don't use the notes app much on my phone. It's mostly account info storage. But then, fuck. I see this fucking note sitting at the top. That I... I have no memory of writing. Just. Fuck. I don't need this right now. God fucking damnit.
I'll post a picture tomorrow or something. But fuck... Here's what it says.
"plane of emptiness
it has changed a lot
but i am sure you will still recognize it
you just need to think
who are you?
i will show you.
i will show you all soon. "
The time stamp says April 28th, 2014. At 10:08 AM. Call me a lazy college student, but I wasn't awake by that time. That was a monday and I didn't have class until 2pm. I didn't fucking write this note and it's on my phone.
And no, I didn't let anyone touch it. I don't let anyone touch my phone. Especially not the notes app.
Fuck.
Alright, fuck. Ok. So I went to my notes on my phone, to write something down. And I don't use the notes app much on my phone. It's mostly account info storage. But then, fuck. I see this fucking note sitting at the top. That I... I have no memory of writing. Just. Fuck. I don't need this right now. God fucking damnit.
I'll post a picture tomorrow or something. But fuck... Here's what it says.
"plane of emptiness
it has changed a lot
but i am sure you will still recognize it
you just need to think
who are you?
i will show you.
i will show you all soon. "
The time stamp says April 28th, 2014. At 10:08 AM. Call me a lazy college student, but I wasn't awake by that time. That was a monday and I didn't have class until 2pm. I didn't fucking write this note and it's on my phone.
And no, I didn't let anyone touch it. I don't let anyone touch my phone. Especially not the notes app.
Fuck.
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