I want to Forget

I've been avoiding this all day.

But I'm so fucking angry right now. It has been two weeks. I thought I was good, safe. I don't know, some other lies I've been telling myself. But no, I can't even go a whole month without some goddamned dream or city or whatever other bullshit.

I even went camping and I'm still seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Thinking that I'm seeing that fucking City behind me, lurking or some bullshit. How do you even see a city in the middle of fucking nowhere? Even when I'm not keeping my mind on other things, I still hear that goddamned giggle echoing in my head. Over and over, it's driving me nuts.

And then last night. Fucking last night.

Fuck, fine, here. Have the dream.

.........

When I opened my eyes, I was at the bottom of the library stairs, picking up from the last dream I suppose... Initially I suspected the nearby children's section to look like... well the children's section from my local library... but I was wrong. It was wrong. More wrong than the entire wretched City that this library was within.

There weren't any children's drawings hanging from the walls, or any other nonsensical adornments you would expect from a children's section.

Well... no, there were papers, but they were all blank. Blank printer paper hanging from the walls. And on the bulletin board there were no notices or flyers. Instead there were letters, cut out white and grey printer paper. They didn't say anything coherent, just letters pasted up there in a mockery of language...

"FR  ADA RWEG" and "BDI QWPRN SKT"

Eventually, I stood up and walked into the children's section proper. On the bookshelves were effigies of books. Almost all of them were grey and the same size. When I grabbed one, the pages were either blank, or a scramble of letters similar to the walls. I wasn't even certain if they were all of the Latin alphabet. However, there were a few books that had cover art, though those books lacked clear messages as well. As I stepped out of one of the aisles, I saw movement within the adjacent hallway. And because I'm aware of the tropes that come with horror stories and general surrealistic stories...

I gave chase after the figure.

I ran after the moving shadow, down a hallway that was far too long to be found in a small town library. It felt like ages but finally I had reached the end, where...

Where the man from my Theater Dream stood. He stood there, with a script in his hand and a pen tapping the paper. His head was bowed, but I could see him grinning at me, smirking, laughing, daring me to do anything-

So I did.

And when I stepped forward, I fell. I fell and I fell and I fell. I fell down so far that Tartarus would be envious of the pit. And then... The Voice spoke, "You're skilled at Hiding. Better than your Running. Maybe you want to play Hide and Seek instead of Tag?" The Giggle echoed in my mind with the Voice's final words, "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to Win. Because I always Win. And I always know where you are, Mariette."

And then I woke up.

.........

Ugh, even writing it is too much.... I do not need this during finals... I just want to forget.