Let's talk Tulpas

So, while I avoid writing end of term papers, and thinking about that dream from Sunday, I think I'll make an entry about something I'm actually interested in.

Which means talking about urban legends and myths. Because other than dreams, that is literally my life.

So, let's talk about tulpas, or thoughtforms.

If you frequent creepypasta like I'm perchance to do, then you're probably familiar with the story with the name Tulpa. And honestly, the creepypasta does have the idea pretty down pat. But the origin actually comes from Tibetan Buddhism, first documented in Samaññaphala Sutta which listed the steps to to create a Mano-maya-kaya. Or rather, Mind-made body. Essentially, Tibetan monks in a group would ascend to the celestial plane through the Boddhi, or mindstream. Initially, tulpas, or nirmitas, was classified as a psychic skill through Buddhist discipline.

Really, from what I've read, it seems like the nirmitas were a test for the young monks. In Buddhism, reality is empty of any essence, and to make sure that the young monks were following this teaching, they had them create nirmitas. Once the nirmita was created, they'd tell the younger monk that this thing was a god. If they believed them and accepted the nirmita as a god, they failed. If they saw past the falsehood, and accepted the nirmita as a hallucination, similar to what life was to the Buddhists, then he passed.

However, us westerners are more acquainted with thoughtforms. Which are more linked to western magic and witchcraft. Really, this has less fancy names. People try to make imaginary friends. Shit goes wrong, and suddenly Mr Fluffykins is impaling you on that "cute" tail you gave him.

Personally... I think Tulpas are bad news. They're just asking to give a demon or something a physical form.

Now, you may be wondering "Hey, Mariette, other than you being a completely weirdo, what's up with the tulpa talk?" Well, I'm glad you asked, random people who look at my blog.

This guy is to blame to be honest. Well not him exactly, but see he's a statue on my campus and I absolutely hate him because he's one of the reasons I fear our favorite tulpa on the internet, Slendy!

Yep, that's right, Slendy is what I consider a modern day tulpa, and he creeps the fuck out of me because of this whole thing I have about not being able to see faces on people. But that has nothing to do really with tulpas, now does it?

Ugh, sorry. I'm getting bad vibes from talking about tulpas too much. Call me crazy, but I just think they're major bad mojo that I do not need in my life. Maybe I'll talk about this another day.

Insomnia

Insomnia needs to be stopped at all costs. #stopinsomnia2k14 or whatever bullshit they're doing over on twitter now.

This week is so not the time for sleep deprived Mariette. Sleep deprived Mariette is no one's favorite Mariette.

New Dream

So... last night was a thing. So was today, but, you know, Easter. Different story for a different time.

For now, well.... I guess I'll get right into the point of this blog; the dream.


I dreamt of the city again, for the  first time in years. The City. Even now I can scarcely believe it.

.........

When I woke, I was on a street.

I was on a street, alone with only the familiar grey, sleek spires as my company. I heard no noise, saw no evidence of any human life surrounding me, and it... was terrifying. The silence had seemed near deafening, and there was a shiver down my spine that told me that this wasn't right.

That there was something I had to do.

And then I remembered-

I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran so far and for so long that I could feel my lungs burning, my feet bleeding, the bones in my legs aching for some sort of reprisal, a boon, any form of relief to end this hellish marathon. And even then, I continued to run, with the words from that far off dream ringing in my head. It was the only thing that kept me going, until my legs gave out and I was scraping my legs and knees across the asphalt of the road.

I felt like dying.

It was only when I could breathe that I looked up, and suddenly my body became immobile; I saw a Library.

It wasn't as if there was anything off about it perse. It wasn't anything epic or grand,it was just... a library. Like one you'd find in a small town run by kindly volunteers. Still, I felt my body give a tremble as I stared at the gray doors, gray like the spires and the road and the sky. This place felt wrong and I knew it, yet...

Yet somehow, I managed to get up, almost as if it was against my will, as if there were strings pulling my limbs up to stand, despite my body screaming for me to rest. I stared up once more at Library's looming figure before stumbling through those grey, grey doors.

I don't remember what I had expected, but I suppose it was only natural for it to seem near identical to the libraries of my childhood, it was my own dream after all. Even walking around, looking at all the books, it was impeccably replicated. Well, except for the complete and utter lack of human life of course, as seemed the new staple of The City.

As I further explored the library, I felt a sudden urge to go  down the stairs into the children's section, almost like a tug, pulling me down. But before I even took my first step on the creaky old stairs, I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I turned, trying to find the source when I heard that voi.... no... That Voice within my mind and behind me again.

"I tell you to Run and you plod along. What a defiant toy you are."

And instead of waking up peacefully, I felt my body being jerked back, down the stairs as a giggle echoed throughout my mind.



Then I woke up, as I felt the first step dig into my spine.

.........

Yeah, you could say that after that ordeal, going through the festivities today, well...Okay I may have been shaken up a bit, but it did make suffering through the pleasantries of the day a bit... more bearable.

Ugghhhhh

God I fucking hate work! Like okay, for the most part it's not so bad but it's the worst when you have to close. Trust me, I've been working as a waitress for about two years now and it never really gets easier. Mostly just really annoying.

I mean, usually it's just, whatever, you know? But tonight I went in with a headache even though I took Advil before going in.

Pretty sure I have a migraine now and I can't fucking!! Deal!!! With this right now!!!! I'm probably going to get a nightmare tonight, and then I'm going to have to go through a /living/ nightmare all out of tomorrow during Easter.

Ugh, whatever. I'll update tomorrow if I do get a nightmare.

Dreams of Strings

A grand concert hall encompasses my vision. Ornamentation lined the walls that could put a Gothic Cathedral to shame, with enough room to sit thousands of patrons, if not more. No matter how I look, I can't see into the orchestral pit, but I can hear a full orchestra from within, the strings tuning and the winds running through their scales. It's hard to see past a certain point in the theater, the house lights are dimmed and the stage lights are on in full intensity. When I look into the audience, trying to find responsive faces, anything to spur me on but.... there were no faces. There were... "people" alright, but they looked like prop dummies, or rag dolls. All faceless... but I could feel them staring at me. Staring and staring and staring and...

And before I can run, my arm is lifted and I'm moved into position, and.... And I begin singing the opening song to whatever production I'm currently apart of. The most recent one being "All that Jazz"... But I have no accompaniment, I'm alone on the stage and everyone is watching me and I just want to run and run far away from the stage, from that entire concert hall. But... I can't. I'm frozen. It's not even me singing and dancing, it's someone making me.

I can look around the stage, but the only other person is a man sitting to the side, writing in a script, smirking to himself. And if he notices my distress.... he doesn't care. Not at all. Sometimes, I look up and see silvery strings ascending into the rafters, seemingly never ending. And then I hear a giggle and I....

I wake up.

..........

Unlike my city dream... this one happens a lot. Maybe four or five times a year. Since I started acting.




I've been acting since I was 8.

Hello

Well, I suppose that’s one way to start a blog, let's start over:

My name is Mariette and I am haunted by nightmares.

Although it's not really a daily occurrence, when nightmares or even dreams do occur- it's more than I can really describe. I feel... lost in them, like the world my mind built wasn't anything that I could find in the real one. I suppose you could say they were similar to video games like Silent Hill or Alan Wake, surreal and overall just very eery... Haunting.

Since that first nightmare, I've sought out answers from just about everywhere you can think of. Paranormal forums, books on dreams, even acclaimed dream experts. But I've always gotten the same answers, all just bullshit about finding yourself or the fear of conforming. They never address the voice, or the fact I just can't forget about it, even now 6 years later at 20 years old.

I don't know what posting this will accomplish, or how many people will really read this, but I thought maybe if I recorded these things in like a “dream blog” or something, I could find out more things if I wrote them down. Maybe I'd be known outside of these weird dreams.

I mean, I'm still a normal person, all things considered. I go to a state college, study myths and folklore, I even do a little bit of acting here and there. It's not like I don't have a life outside these nightmares and dreams, it's just hard sometimes, to separate myself from them. I'm still human after all.

But I guess that's enough for today, I'll be back soon with another dream to post.

Dreams of Cities

An expanse of city stretched out around me, the tall spires nearly touching the sky where I hovered. The buildings were tall grey... things, unlike even the buildings of New York City. Far too tall, far too sleek, and far too grey. No matter how far I looked, there was only the city. No trees, no grass, not even a city park in mockery of a natural forest. And when I looked down, there was the only source of color, the hair color of the populace. The... "people" were all walking in the same direction, all orderly following one another. However, no matter how I looked, I could not find their end goal, the lines of people as endless as the city. Then... Then I heard a voice. Directly behind me, a voice echoed within my mind.

"It is time to wake up. It is time to Run."

Before I could turn around, seeking the speaker, I woke up. As I lay in bed, returning to the reality of school and sun, I heard my mother's voice, "Mariette, it's time to wake up." Startled, I scrambled out of my bed into the living room where...

There was no one, other than the orange morning light. When I looked at the cable box, the time read 5:26 AM. My mother was asleep, and I had an hour before I needed to be awake.

.........

This dream occurred over 6 years ago now. I still remember as if it happened yesterday.